Man is a social being

A couple of months ago, I wrote a blog entry titled “A Perfect Storm.”   In the entry, I described that the confluence of several post-surgery factors had left me feeling in a major funk.  I concluded by saying:

• “Now, to snap out of it, I have resumed taking Lexapro, I am going to redouble my efforts get back on my road bike and back into yoga class. And most importantly, I have concluded that my life was already getting too solitary, and in the past month it became significantly worse.  Time for a mid-course adjustment.”

Lexapro, biking, and yoga were not adequate to pull me out of my funk, so I visited with my internist who put me back on anti-anxiety Xanax, which I had used during my divorce several years ago.  Like my divorce, this most recent bout with anxiety/depression seemed due to the break-up of an important relationship. 

The Xanax helped and a couple of weeks later, I made the following New Year’s resolutions in my blog:

• “Two of my three major concerns with 2011 were (a) my personal lack of productivity and (b) my diminished personal relationships.  I mention them together here because I think they can be solved together – through politics.  One of my principal interests in life is politics, and although I have concluded that I am not cut out to be a politician, I think I can serve in some sort of support capacity.  So in 2012, I intend to find a political job, probably as a volunteer for a politician or a cause/movement.  That sort of work will enable me not only to be productive, but also to connect on a personal level with other people.  My third major concern with 2011 had to do with finding a special person that “I can’t live without.”  As I noted in my posting, “I do think that woman is out there.”  Sometimes, however, the world doesn’t beat a path to your doorstep, and you need to go looking.  I once read a book titled, “Emotional Availability,” and I need to heed some of the lessons it taught me.  Soulmates anyone?  2012 – let’s get started.”

Coincidentally, between the first entry and the second entry I had a lengthy discussion with a neighbor/friend (an unemployed securities analyst) about my situation.  I mentioned to him that a reader of my blog had suggested that it was not uncommon for older people to feel depressed during the Christmas holidays.  My friend was very forthcoming in discussing his family situation in growing up with a divorced family and his reduced expectations for the holidays.  He said that he enjoyed the everyday things in life and didn’t focus on special social occasions.  Although our conversation didn’t help me deal with my problem, it did give me a brief respite.

That was the last time I talked to him.  Yesterday, I learned my friend committed suicide a few days ago just a few yards from my apartment, and I couldn’t be more shocked.  Although he was unemployed, he was a smart, personable guy with employment prospects.  And he enjoyed yoga and riding his road bike.  Whenever I talked to him, he was steady and thoughtful, neither high nor low.  He was the last guy that I would expect to be depressed.

As I struggled with trying to understand what happened, my thoughts went back to an older guy in my hometown who committed suicide a few years ago.  He was also steady and thoughtful, seemingly neither high nor low.  The other similarity was that both were bachelors, even though my North Dakota friend was probably about 65 years old while my San Antonio friend was only 40. 

But the most telling similarity in my estimation is that, although both of these men were friendly and sociable, I don’t think they had any close friends or confidantes (or religion).  My experience over the past few months is consistent with that experience.  During stressful times, a person needs someone who you can confide in.  If you fail to develop confidantes or lose access to that confidante, you are vulnerable.  I suspect my two lost friends didn’t have a confidante, and if they had, they would still be here.    

All of which makes my 2012 New Year’s resolutions more important.  There were times during 2011 when I felt satisfied with reading, writing, and riding.  One of my favorite sayings was that a good day was one when I did more miles on my bike than I did in my car.  That may be true, but as Mahatma Gandhi said:

• “Interdependence is and ought to be as much the ideal of man as self-sufficiency. Man is a social being.”

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